I absolutely hate confrontation. If I know I have to say something that could be received unpleasantly, I will walk around the entire day with a knot in my stomach and lump in my throat until the conversation occurs. In fact, if it’s not related to work, I probably won’t say it at all. (I’m working through a bad “stuffing” habit.) So when Paul’s passages on confrontation kept slapping me in the face this week, I thought I would try and write about it. Today, we’ll focus on Titus 3:9-11 where Paul instructs Titus on confronting with truth.
The Passage
But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because they are unprofitable and useless. Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.
Titus 3:9-11 NIV
Confronting with Truth
First and foremost, Paul emphasizes confronting with truth. As he instructs earlier in his letter, “You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine,” (Titus 2:1 NIV). When we must confront someone, we have the basis of God’s Word to back it up. In fact, if we go into a confrontation with only our own opinions to guide us, we’ll wind up in those “foolish controversies” Paul warns us about. (I’m sure we’ve all seen enough Facebook conversations go south to know that it’s true. If not, join your local community page and grab the popcorn!)
For those who, like me, hate confrontation, having God’s Word to stand on comforts us. We are not doing anything wrong by confronting someone; in fact, we are doing what is right and following a Biblical command. Sure, there may be people who respond poorly, but we can’t control their reaction. If they do respond poorly (and we’ve done all we can to prayerfully present the truth in love,) then as Paul says, “they are self-condemned.” We don’t have to worry about them anymore. God will take care of them in His time. We can pray God will transform their hearts, and then we can move on.
Confrontation Has a Time Limit
I find Paul’s three-strike rule to be the most encouraging part of this entire passage. Rather than worrying about the future ramifications of confrontation and fearing the disagreement will go on forever, I know I only have to have two confrontations max. After that, see you later, alligator! God doesn’t make us suffer in unending contention. If two conversations isn’t enough to solve the problem, He releases us to move on with our lives.
The inverse of this makes me nervous, though. Without those two confrontations in truth, God hasn’t given me permission to avoid the person. Honestly, when I don’t have those conversations in a timely manner, I wind up holding on to that frustration and anxiety even longer. Avoiding the person doesn’t give me more peace; it just extends the conflict. So, I’ll be praying for God to make me confident in confronting with truth. Maybe, just maybe, it will preserve a bit of my sanity.