Significant Revision of Excerpt Comments
Hi Ashton,
Sorry, I’ve been moving into a new apartment over the past few days and I still don’t have wifi. So notes on my phone will have to do.
But I like the way Dawson goes back and forth with his thought patterns here. It seems much more natural and accurate to how someone would be thinking in real life.
I also like how he’s surpassed the possibility of having kids and is rather looking at a much farther possibility in the future: Bunnies. It’s smart and it says a lot about what he expects in his short term goals of their marriage.
I’d be interested to see a conversation between the two where Dawson kind of jokingly mentions kids to see where Cadence stands. Maybe her views have changed? I feel like Dawson wouldn’t be so excited about kids if they hadn’t previously agreed on some sort of time frame.
I also really like the addition of him making a comment about the bank account. It brings to light the fact that he knows she worries about those things, where it was unclear before. Here, his actions really make it seem like he’s trying to give her a pick-me-up rather than just doing something because it felt right and because he was in a good mood or something.
I like it!
Kaitlin