Feedback from a peer, and brainstorming how to fix it
- She was confused on Dawson’s job. She thought he was a doctor at first.
- She agreed the ending was rushed. More time, such as a day, could pass for Charlie to think about what Cadence said before Darlene returns.
- She liked the descriptions of Darlene’s lipstick and the ice cream. She also thought the motif of cleaning worked well.
- She was confused by Cadence’s age due to the descriptions of her joints popping. She identified with feeling worn out due to labor intensive work, but the joints might be too much.
- Since Dawson’s parents both died when he was young, he would get a check for survivor benefits and financial aid for college. If he just lost these benefits, or if these benefits changed, that could affect their financial situation. If nothing else, college could have taken all of their money.
- Check on the requirements for an Associate’s degree as to whether they would push graduates on to a four year college. Also, check that cleaning up vomit does not require a CNA.
- Ideas for losing money: car crash, hospitalization
- Cadence’s past jobs: Perhaps there is a family business? Did her dad want her to take it over but she wants to do something else? So she runs off, perhaps with added conflict between her dad and Dawson? If her family ran a B&B, that could be where Cadence got good at chores and cleaning.
- Charlie being old money would make becoming poor much harder.
- Illnesses that could land Charlie in the hospital for a long time: severe fracture, untreated infection, preexisting condition (such as diabetes leading to diabetic ketoacidosis), a ruptured appendix or septic appendicitis, gall stones, asthma and lungs filling up with fluid (if he fell in the river and half drowned, or previously had pneumonia), organ problems (not failure because that would need a transplant), ulcers (caused from stress and not using up the added adrenaline).
- Organ rupture or diabetes could have affected his relationship with his wife and pushed him to leave. When he moves to the streets and forgets his medicine, it could explode and land him in the hospital.